It Never Ends

"The first product to have a bar code scanned was Wrigley's gum."

I just made a little something, like a poem, because I'm feeling very crappy right now. So, here it is:

It Never Ends

The cycle of hatred never ends in my mind

I am full of anger, jealousy, revenge and resentment

But I don’t know why this is so

I want to cry, but I forgot how

I don’t know if I learned love in the first place

I no longer know the reason why I hate

I want to do good, but someone else inside me wants it bad

I feel rejected and hated

My family doesn’t try to figure out why I do what I do

Do they really care?

They tell me to speak, but do my words matter to them?

Will they listen to me as they listen to my brother?

Will I have freedom as my brother has it?

Full of confusion, my mind seeks peace

I long for the wisdom of love

I want to love, and to be loved

But someone else inside me rejects it

He tells me that I should have my vengeance

From all the hurts and humiliation that I faced

From the moment I was born until now

He wants to destroy everything

My life, my family, my friends, everything

Can I still stop him?

Where do I get the strength I need?

Divine intervention never comes when I need it

I need miracles in my life, I want it badly

I want something to happen to me

So I can help others when there’s no one else to help

I want it all to end

All the suffering, all the weaknesses, the unfairness

If only I can recreate the world

A world devoid of hate and confusion

A barren of unwanted feelings

I can’t change the past

But can I still change the present,

So I can grab the future that I so long for?

I want everything to change

I want someone to bother

I want someone to be concerned

I’m scared of loneliness

I don’t want to be resented anymore

Every time I try to go away, something bad happens

I guess I just have to surrender

Surrender to goodwill of man

Someone help me

I’m so weak, I’m so tired

Please let me speak my mind

I want to release it all

I want to change into a better person

I want to give all that I have

Not destruction, but restoration

Not resentment, but forgiveness

Not cold-heartedness, but caress

Not tears of sadness, but tears of joy

Everything should change

Is it too late now?

Can I still have another chance?

Will they forgive me for everything?

I wish I can do miracles

I wish I can be released from the nightmare

This nightmare that never ends

Please, someone wake me up

I want my true consciousness now

The evil inside of me must disappear

Please, if You’re really there

Will You not help me? Do You still care?

Do You still love me?

Can You still see the confusion, the suffering?

Do You still have the light to guide my way?

Please don’t forget me

I wish that when they see me again, things will be better

Please give me a miracle right now

It may be too much to ask, but I don’t want this

I don’t want things to be like this forever

I want another chance to be heard

I wish someone’s praying for me right now

That things will be better

The miracles that I want

Won’t they come?

Please, change everything

End the cycle…….

Please, release me from this……..