Going Insane

"Pele has always hated his nickname, which he says sounds like 'baby-talk in Portuguese'."

I'm not sure, but maybe I can be considered, medically, as "insane" if I go and let myself be checked by a psychiatrist. This feeling of loneliness is taking over my life. I searched "loneliness" on Google, and I found a website that gives the reasons why people feel lonely, and almost all of those reasons can be found in my situation. This is really crazy, but it's true. Maybe it's safe to call myself "mentally and emotionally unstable." I've been like this for as long as I can remember. I just hate it so much; I really want to change my perspective in life. I want to be a happy person once again, assuming that I once was a happy person. I can't even do my essay because of this! And it's due next week! I always hear in church that Jesus is the only one who can take away loneliness, the one who can fill the holes inside of people. Is this really true? If it is, then I want Him inside me very badly. But how do I do that? Do I just ask for it? I already did that several times, but nothing happened. Either I'm not doing it right, or it's all fiction. Is there a right way to talk to God? Am I not really saying what I want to say to Him every time I try and talk to Him? Why won't He show Himself to me? Is it wrong to ask for a hard and tangible evidence that He really exists? I don't really have anyone to talk to anymore. I can't find the right people to really understand what I'm going through. Well maybe I have to work on myself opening up, but how do I know that the people I talk to will understand what I have to say? I hate this... see, I always post negative things on this blog! I'm frighteningly pessimistic! I really want to change, but it's almost impossible! God, if You're really there, I beg you, please show Yourself in my life right now... I just can't take this anymore....