The Thing That's Been Bugging Me...

She keeps putting these headlines about how she remembers someone or something from her past. If she's still in love with someone from the past, then fuck, have I been wasting my time? I can't try to get someone whose mind and heart still belongs to someone else. This is really pathetic. But my friend says I have to be patient, so if that's what I must do, that's what I'll do. I can't just jump to conclusions, like I've always done. I told myself I need to change for the better. Fucking love, man...

Rainy Day

Today's weather is rainy. Rainy days are depressing. It was raining too yesterday while I was at work, but yesterday's work was better than the day before. Man, I wish they'd just lay me off already, so I can focus on looking for another job. Oh well, as long as I'm still getting paid, I don't care.

I wonder how Bricia's doing today. I haven't texted her yet; maybe later, maybe I'll just wait for her to text me. If not, meh, whatever. I have to get myself ready just in case a heartbreak ensues. I'm fucking sick of getting my hopes up high too much. But at the same time, I want to be positive and confident. Those might be keys to getting the girl that I like... probably. Aaahhh!!! I'll get the laundry now, and then take a shower, and then deposit my paycheck. Later.

Feeling Depressed Again... Why?!

What the hell is wrong with me?! Why am I feeling depressed over everything again?! This is why I need to find another hobby, preferably something that inflicts a lot of physical pain. Hmm, mixed martial arts? Being a daredevil? I don't know, something! I just need to take my mind off of things.

I believe one of the reasons why I'm depressed again (and it has happened in the past a lot of times already) is because the girl that I kinda like may not share the same feelings. Maybe I'm being paranoid or obsessed, I hope not, but this has got to stop! I really, REALLY need to control my emotions and not let anyone break me down! I've got to stop raising my hopes too high on everything in my life so when disappointment comes, it won't hurt that much. Just like what my friend Czerny does. I don't know if it really works for her, but it's a really good idea. Hey, pessimism is a positive thing after all!

I know how pathetic I'm feeling and sounding right now, but I can't help it. I've been like this probably since the day I was born. Maybe I'm destined to be like this for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm destined to be alone all the time, contemplating all the time about how everything and everyone hurts me, destined to have crushed hopes all the time. Believe me, I try so hard not to be like this, but it's like trying to become someone I'm not. This is who I am right now. Right now, I'm sad, I'm lonely, I'm depressed.

Anyone wants to help me kill myself? Anyone?

First Off, Before I Go to Work...

...yes, I have a job already, but I'm going to lose it soon. I got hired at Circuit City, and as you probably already know, it's going on liquidation right now. So, back to job hunting...

I just want to apologize to my blog for neglecting it for a very long time. My last post was waaaaay back in October 2008. I just didn't know what to put in here, as I was too busy trying to make something in my life worth blogging. Well, to date, things got pretty interesting.

I'll just be straightforward. I've been trying to go out with my sister's best friend. It's been good so far; we just went somewhere last Sunday, but I don't know if it's safe to call it a date. It's probably more like a "I gotta know you first" kind of date... maybe. I don't know. She's not the best looking girl that I've liked, but she is very, veeeeryyy fun. And that's very important to me. If I were going to have a girlfriend, she better not bore the shit out of me!

And she's not! She's 3 years younger than me, so maybe she acts a little more childish compared to me, but that's what makes her fun. She still hasn't reached that point where you have to be all serious and stuff about life. Well actually, that's a person's choice; I don't think it has anything to do with age. But anyway, I really enjoy hanging out with her. I just don't know when to break the ice and really let her know that I want to be more than friends. That's been my objective from the start, and I'm going to be very aggressive doing it. But not too aggressive, I hope, as I may end up in the "friend's zone," just like always, or probably even worse.

I hope 2009 will be a great year for me, especially when it comes to love and shit, even though it doesn't look great for the American economy right now. But fuck that, what can I do about it? Time to get ready for work, so I'll see you later, blog! I promise! I'll be back soon! Miss ya! :D