What the hell is wrong with me?! Why am I feeling depressed over everything again?! This is why I need to find another hobby, preferably something that inflicts a lot of physical pain. Hmm, mixed martial arts? Being a daredevil? I don't know, something! I just need to take my mind off of things.
I believe one of the reasons why I'm depressed again (and it has happened in the past a lot of times already) is because the girl that I kinda like may not share the same feelings. Maybe I'm being paranoid or obsessed, I hope not, but this has got to stop! I really, REALLY need to control my emotions and not let anyone break me down! I've got to stop raising my hopes too high on everything in my life so when disappointment comes, it won't hurt that much. Just like what my friend Czerny does. I don't know if it really works for her, but it's a really good idea. Hey, pessimism is a positive thing after all!
I know how pathetic I'm feeling and sounding right now, but I can't help it. I've been like this probably since the day I was born. Maybe I'm destined to be like this for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm destined to be alone all the time, contemplating all the time about how everything and everyone hurts me, destined to have crushed hopes all the time. Believe me, I try so hard not to be like this, but it's like trying to become someone I'm not. This is who I am right now. Right now, I'm sad, I'm lonely, I'm depressed.
Anyone wants to help me kill myself? Anyone?
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