The Thing That's Been Bugging Me...

She keeps putting these headlines about how she remembers someone or something from her past. If she's still in love with someone from the past, then fuck, have I been wasting my time? I can't try to get someone whose mind and heart still belongs to someone else. This is really pathetic. But my friend says I have to be patient, so if that's what I must do, that's what I'll do. I can't just jump to conclusions, like I've always done. I told myself I need to change for the better. Fucking love, man...

Rainy Day

Today's weather is rainy. Rainy days are depressing. It was raining too yesterday while I was at work, but yesterday's work was better than the day before. Man, I wish they'd just lay me off already, so I can focus on looking for another job. Oh well, as long as I'm still getting paid, I don't care.

I wonder how Bricia's doing today. I haven't texted her yet; maybe later, maybe I'll just wait for her to text me. If not, meh, whatever. I have to get myself ready just in case a heartbreak ensues. I'm fucking sick of getting my hopes up high too much. But at the same time, I want to be positive and confident. Those might be keys to getting the girl that I like... probably. Aaahhh!!! I'll get the laundry now, and then take a shower, and then deposit my paycheck. Later.

Feeling Depressed Again... Why?!

What the hell is wrong with me?! Why am I feeling depressed over everything again?! This is why I need to find another hobby, preferably something that inflicts a lot of physical pain. Hmm, mixed martial arts? Being a daredevil? I don't know, something! I just need to take my mind off of things.

I believe one of the reasons why I'm depressed again (and it has happened in the past a lot of times already) is because the girl that I kinda like may not share the same feelings. Maybe I'm being paranoid or obsessed, I hope not, but this has got to stop! I really, REALLY need to control my emotions and not let anyone break me down! I've got to stop raising my hopes too high on everything in my life so when disappointment comes, it won't hurt that much. Just like what my friend Czerny does. I don't know if it really works for her, but it's a really good idea. Hey, pessimism is a positive thing after all!

I know how pathetic I'm feeling and sounding right now, but I can't help it. I've been like this probably since the day I was born. Maybe I'm destined to be like this for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm destined to be alone all the time, contemplating all the time about how everything and everyone hurts me, destined to have crushed hopes all the time. Believe me, I try so hard not to be like this, but it's like trying to become someone I'm not. This is who I am right now. Right now, I'm sad, I'm lonely, I'm depressed.

Anyone wants to help me kill myself? Anyone?

First Off, Before I Go to Work...

...yes, I have a job already, but I'm going to lose it soon. I got hired at Circuit City, and as you probably already know, it's going on liquidation right now. So, back to job hunting...

I just want to apologize to my blog for neglecting it for a very long time. My last post was waaaaay back in October 2008. I just didn't know what to put in here, as I was too busy trying to make something in my life worth blogging. Well, to date, things got pretty interesting.

I'll just be straightforward. I've been trying to go out with my sister's best friend. It's been good so far; we just went somewhere last Sunday, but I don't know if it's safe to call it a date. It's probably more like a "I gotta know you first" kind of date... maybe. I don't know. She's not the best looking girl that I've liked, but she is very, veeeeryyy fun. And that's very important to me. If I were going to have a girlfriend, she better not bore the shit out of me!

And she's not! She's 3 years younger than me, so maybe she acts a little more childish compared to me, but that's what makes her fun. She still hasn't reached that point where you have to be all serious and stuff about life. Well actually, that's a person's choice; I don't think it has anything to do with age. But anyway, I really enjoy hanging out with her. I just don't know when to break the ice and really let her know that I want to be more than friends. That's been my objective from the start, and I'm going to be very aggressive doing it. But not too aggressive, I hope, as I may end up in the "friend's zone," just like always, or probably even worse.

I hope 2009 will be a great year for me, especially when it comes to love and shit, even though it doesn't look great for the American economy right now. But fuck that, what can I do about it? Time to get ready for work, so I'll see you later, blog! I promise! I'll be back soon! Miss ya! :D

I got the License, Now I Want the Car!

My parents told me tonight that I can't drive any car without me having a part in the car insurance. Sometimes I think that my parents' entire being: thoughts, personality, beliefs, etc., revolves around fear. Why should they be always paranoid about everything? Nothing good will happen to me if I keep being overly cautious all the time. I just borrowed my brother-in-law's car because it was fucking hot today! I had a job interview, and I didn't want to take the bus! I would sweat like shit! Damn!

That's it for today. I'm too drunk to type any more shit in here.

Big News

On September 20, 2008, my sister got married at age 19. Yep, that's right. I've never expected this. She was impregnated by her boyfriend, and because my parents are Christians, they believe in "marriage before sex," so they had to get married as soon as possible. I didn't learn about the wedding until the Thursday before. When I first learned about her pregnancy, I thought it was just a dream. Really, getting pregnant was the last thing that I'd expect to happen to my sister.

Enough about that. I have some more news, and this time it's very good.

I just passed the actual driving test! Finally! I can freely drive now! Now all I need is my own car, and I'll be out of the apartment all the time. I can finally use this to apply to jobs that are far away. Well, I hope that happens soon.

Stupid Job Hunting

I've been applying for jobs online without any luck. Now there's 3 jobs that I have to choose from. This is such a fucking pain in the ass. Which one am I supposed to take care of? Shit.

I just want to focus on finishing my studies and getting my degree. I want to get the hell out of LACC and just go to a private school. But first I have to deal with all the financial aid mumbo-jumbo.

AAAHHHH!!!!!!!

It's Wednesday. And I Want to Fuck Someone.

Mila Kunis is freakin' hot. Especially in the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall. She looks just so damn pretty at the part right before the movie finishes. I can't help but fall in love with her beauty.

Having said that, I really, really want to taste some pussy right now. That's right, I'm a perverted mothafucka! Hahaha, not really. Well, most of the time. I just want to devour a wet and juicy cave where babies come out, then pound it like there's no tomorrow. Yeeeaaaaahhhh.

...This blog's going nowhere. I'm gonna have to go to bed now.

P.S. Mila Kunis is hot! :D

5.4 Earthquake, Boogiebots is out

Last Tuesday, at about 11:40 am, Los Angeles experienced a 5.4 magnitude earthquake. I was in school at that time. Everything just started to swing sideways for a few seconds, but gladly it was over before anyone could say, "EEAAARRRTTHHQQUUAAKKEE!!" No major damage and injury in school or anywhere in LA. But people are expecting for the Big One. F&*%!!

It says 5.8 on the picture, but later they declared it was 5.4.

On the lighter side, on the show "America's Best Dance Crew", Boogiebots has suffered a major in-your-face criticism from the judges, including guest judge Missy Elliot. Boogiebots was one of the two groups in the bottom two. The other one is Fanny Pak, which, by the way, just killed the floor and forced the judges and the audience to give a standing ovation. It's pretty obvious which group had to hear "Walk It Out" while walking out of the stage.

Super Crew is the best!

School VS. Work

What should I do? Should I work while studying, or should I just study for now, then work after graduating? I'm the type of person that likes to do one thing at a time. I hate multi-tasking. I can do it, but I'm not good at it, and I hate doing it. It'd be really nice if you get paid for studying, but as far as I know, that doesn't happen where I live. I want to have money without working, until I get some college degree. But my parents really insist me to work so I can give them some cash. I'd really like to help out, but I just want to study for now, then when I'm just basically pooping out cash, I can give them as much as they want... I hope.

One more thing: I failed the driving test the first time. I don't know when I'm going to take it again, but I do know that I don't want to pay $150 just to take it again. That's just bullshit.

Just Another Saturday Night

Well, here I am again. Just to let you know, I turned 21 last May 6, so I can finally drink legally! On the other hand, my mom doesn't want me to bring alcohol at home. Dammit...

My mom wants me to reapply to my old workplace, as a receptionist. I really don't want to go back there anymore. Just thinking about that place makes me nauseous. I'll try applying as a tutor at LACC. Should be interesting.

There's this girl, Anne, who I think is really pretty. I've only hung out with her once, but I think I like her. I hope I get to hang out with her even more, and hopefully, the tide will flow to a more interesting path. I'm just really fucking sick of seeing my sisters enjoy their precious time with their boyfriends on the phone and in person. I hate it that I'm the only one who's fucking lonely... I'm really sick of this. Sounds pathetic that I'm really, really making a big deal out of this BF/GF stuff, I know. But so what? Let me see you stay single for 21 years of nothing but fucking loneliness.

And don't even think about saying that I'm fortunate that at least I have family, friends, etc. I'm not saying I'm not grateful for those things, but it's not complete until I get a girlfriend, or at least it feels like that. It's like eating rice without ulam (for any non-Filipino people who somehow is reading this, go research for yourself what ulam is. I don't feel like explaining it to you.). It's still going to fill your stomach, but it's not as nutritious or tasty.

Goodbye, Kingsley Manor!

FREEDOM! Today is my last day of work at Kingsley Manor. I'm telling you, it's very liberating to finally quit my heinous job. No more painful hands in the morning! No more delivering foods to the old people! No more paychecks! Haha! But it's ok; I really need a long rest. After the spring semester, I'm going to try to find another job. Until then, I'll be on bum mode again. I miss bum mode!

Blast!

Damn... I don't like my job! I wanna get out of that craphole! One of the waitresses working in the dining room is already quitting, and she has only several days left before she is "bye-bye!" FYI, she's the only young person there other than me. How boring is that?! Once she's gone, I'll be the only young person there hanging out with a bunch of old peeps! LOTS OF OLD PEEPS!!! Damn those places that I've applied to; none of them has contacted me!! Waaahh!!!!! Let me out of Kingsley Manor!!!

A Happy and Very Late '08 Greeting!

Happy 2008! Man, I almost forgot I have a blog, hehe...

I finally have a job! I started working on December 21, 2007 at Kingsley Manor. It's a retirement center. Yay, I get to hang out with lots of old people! Just kidding, I don't really like hanging out with old people. But whatever, work is work. I should be able to save money now and buy a car. Maybe after that, I can ultimately have what I desire most... WORLD DOMINATION! haha! But no, maybe that's still a ways off. You should know what I really want by now. Until next time! Ciao!

I Passed the Written Test at DMV!

Haha, I passed it on the first try! I got 6 mistakes! I thought I was gonna fail when the lady crossed out 6 mistakes because you can only have 6 or less mistakes in order to pass. When she crossed out the sixth mistake, I was like, "That's enough! That's enough!" Maybe she heard my mind, so she stopped, hahaha. Now I can drive, but I should have someone with me. The next step is passing the actual driving test! After that, I can finally have my driver's license! Booyah!

So There IS Something Wrong With Me

I knew it. There's definitely something wrong with me. Maybe that's the reason why my social (and very likely, emotional and mental as well) health is very fucked up. This is an emergency crisis. Life has been sucked out from me, every last drop of it. I've been acting like a zombie for a very long time. This is bad, REAL bad. I know I have to change, but I really need other people's help. But I don't know how to tell them about this. It's too embarrassing and humiliating that I'm having this pathetic problem. Fuck. What am I gonna do?

Sa Wakas! (Translation: Finally!)

Nope, still no girlfriend, if that's what you're thinking. BUT, I finally got my green card! I got it last week. Yay, I'm not a semi-illegal alien anymore! I can finally work legally and get a driver's license! Soon I will have two of the big three, which are a job and a car. Isn't it about time fate gives me a way to get the last one, a GIRLFRIEND?

... And You're It!

This is effing hilarious!


Online Videos by Veoh.com

My Life Is Still A Puzzle

Sometimes, I try to think of all the things that has ever happened to me from the day I was born until now. I try to put them all together like puzzle pieces, but until now, I still can't see the final picture of my life. Maybe I'm not supposed to see it until I die, but sometimes I just really wonder why things happen to people and why they happen to me too. Maybe I just have to go with the flow of my life, not trying to make an effort to change anything. But is that really living? Is it wrong to try to improve your life by doing reckless actions? Is it sinful to take risks? Maybe God just want me to follow my destiny, to follow His way of doing things. But what is my destiny? How am I supposed to see that path, if there ever was one? Why did He give us the ability to have desires, when we can't have those desires?

I've tried to find work several times in downtown LA, but it never works out for some reason. And now, I have a job at a phone card store, but it doesn't seem like it's the right work for me. In fact, I might quit in a few days. I just can't bear the kind of work there. It's too much for me. Are these signs that I'm not supposed to work at all until the right time comes? When is the right time? How do I know what I'm supposed to be doing in my life? I'm so confused right now, not knowing what I want to do with this so-called life. I can't even remember the last time I actually FELT alive. It seems like inside, a corpse has been already rotting for a long time now.

As a result, I lost any interest in anything. I no longer want to care about whatever happens to me because thinking about what I'm supposed to do is useless. I will never know what I want to do, at least not for now. I do hope this ambiguity of my life doesn't last forever. I wish everything goes clear already, a clear picture of my life and the puzzle pieces that has always clouded my restless mind.

Dramatic Prairie Dog on VH1's Best Week Ever!

The dramatic prairie dog, a 5-second video clip of a very funny dramatic prairie dog, was featured on VH1's Best Week Ever! This is really funny!!